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February 6, 2009

Negativity

Anger is the most impotent of passions. It effects nothing it goes about, and hurts the one who is possessed by it more than the one against whom it is directed.


I am really trying not to give in to the temptation of wallowing in negativity and anger today. My feelings have been hurt, and I have been betrayed....but I can not give in to anger. So instead, I turn to my blogger friends. To my Christian friends online, and in real life: What do you do when someone has wronged you, but they don't see it that way. They believe they are right, when they are most definitely being mean, negative, and neglectful? (FYI: This person is not my husband, so at least I don't have to live with it!)

Should we continue to just ignore it, and pray silently....or do we say something? This continues to weigh on me, day after day.

8 comments:

a corgi

((hugs to you)) I'm so sorry you are dealing with this! I know for me, it is easy for me to get consumed by it. I pray for wisdom from the Lord on what I should say and how I should say it and I turn it over to him and basically just lay it all out to him, my hurt, my feelings, etc. I have confronted people and we've been able to work out sometimes the things, sometimes I've let it go but it does hurt and at times it does cause a wall to be built in my heart against that person, which it shouldn't, or a wall in our relationship.

I don't know if I gave any words of wisdom or advice.......

but wanted you to know I do truly understand......

hugs to you

betty

Becky

Christa -

I have been betrayed more than once. I will tell you that bitterness only hurts one person - you. I am very straightforward and deal with issues head on, but also am a ponderer. When I do need to deal with an issue - as I did last week at work, I think about the words I will say. Sometimes even write them down. I am not very articulate.

How to deal with it? Pray first. There will come your answer, that peace, about ignoring it or saying something.

Danny Lucas

Hello Christa,

Your hurt at betrayal echoes the corridors of the Internet. You send out a call for Christian support. I have remained silent for I was sure an army of answers would greet you. Christians are commanded to carry one another's burdens.

This lament, and lack of help, has bothered me all day.

We take our commands from the Father. He is true God. But we take our cues from Christ; He was God, but also true man. He knew our feelings as a result. People forget that as a man, Christ also had a free will. The entire salvation show could have come to a stop at any time in his 33 years of time on Earth.

In His final week, all 4 Gospels note the cleansing of the Temple. Mark flat out states it was on Monday and Christ was due to die Friday. I often think this cleansing was to cut into the powers that be, the money makers and shakers. Christ was provoking them, to kill him, to save us.
They were fleecing the poor and making money at Passover annually, selling goods at the temple as offerings to get IN.

(Ironically, Catholics did this in reverse centuries later by selling icons for money, that would give you indulgences to get OUT of Limbo, a sort of suffering mezzanine before you walk into Heaven. It lead to a Protestant Revolt by Luther for Indulgences and Limbo are absurd---the current Pope Benedict actually voided Limbo finally----but what of the centuries of folks who believed that crap?).

We can be deceived unless we read the Bible until we know it.

The clearing of the Temple is an example of Jesus Christ in anger mode. His Father's House is Holy and robbers of the poor had turned it to a den of thieves.

The story is well known.
What He did is well known.
The time (last few days of His life) is well known.

Watch closely here.
The Gospels tell this story at the end of Christ's ministry. He is gonna die soon.

But John tells the story right after the Wedding at Cana (first miracle) and BEFORE He told the woman at the well that He is the Messiah. This is all at the BEGINNING of His ministry, not the end. This story is in John 2:12-17.

There is a theological debate that wonders if there were two cleansings or if John just told the story in the wrong spot.
There were two cleansings, and the John story proves it and proves how we work out anger.

I will let you read the prelude in John 2: 12-14.
It describes the Passover anew as it was observed annually.

Verse 15 says this in response to seeing all this sordid activity at God's House:
"So He made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the Temple area...."

Catch that!
If YOU knew you were gonna die in 4 days, would you sit around making a whip?
How long does it take to make a whip good enough to scare the dickens out of the entrenched moneymakers?
I suspect whip making takes awhile, and would be down on the "To Do" list in your last 4 days of life. He did not make a whip in the final Passion Week.

For that reason, plus other details in John's account, I believe there were two cleansings of the Temple. One at the start and one at the end three years later.

Many are unaware that Jesus fed 5,000 and did that twice too, tho I believe one was for 4,000. People see the story as the same one. Not true.

So here we have Christa, angry...and betrayed.

So here we have Christ, angry,...and betrayed.

The anger and betrayal are obvious in the final week of the Passion story. The anger was held in check. When a man knows he is gonna die, he puts priorities on the things that count, and can only be done in short time.

But the first cleansing of the Temple had all the time in the world. He had yet to reveal to Ms. Samaritan that He was the Messiah.

He was at the Passover Temple watching this disgrace to His Father and it made him as angry as we will find Him in the Bible.

"So He made a whip out of cords..."

It takes a long time to make a whip. I never made one myself, but I would think you have to sit down, gather the materials, braid them, add some more cords to the ones you did so far, perhaps make a handle to hang on as you thrash these folks you are mad at.

What I am saying is....He sat there in fury and anger as He prepared for what He was about to do. He was meditating the effect of that whip as He fashioned it.

Now you decide....
was this time a period of mounting fury for when the two met?
Or was this preparation time a release of fury so that when they did meet, Christ didn't toss the whip and nuke these guys worse?

I don't know myself, but I know he made a whip.

Here is what I think you should do.

I think you should make a whip too. Not a leather deal with cords and lethal ends. Just crochet or knit some strands, braid them a bit, and bind them together with a handle. It does not have to be 15 feet long or however long Christ made His whip. This is, afterall, a Christa Whip.

It will take some time to make, just like it took time for Christ to make.

He took His to the Temple and thrashed folks a good one, eh?

Go online or go to Hallmark, or Wal Mart and buy a card with a picture of a cheek on it. Doesn't matter if it is a baby cheek, a woman or man, or even a butt end cheek, just get one. Inside, write down this betrayers name and tell them in writing that they hurt and betrayed you. Tell them to read of how Christ handled hurt and betrayal in John 2: 12-17. Write down in the card that Jesus made a whip.

Hand the card to the person and let them read it to you aloud. Then, hand them.....the whip you just made (likely out of knit material).

Tell them that Jesus used the whip he made. YOU will not use yours.
Advise this adversary that between the time Jesus did this angry thing the first time and the last, He taught us to turn the other cheek. Point to the cheek on the card and advise this person:
"You got the whip.
You got the cheek.
I am turning away".

Then walk out the door.

On your way home, say a prayer for that person and quote a prayer from scripture out loud.
Memorize 2 Chronicle 20:12 on an index card.

On your way home, say aloud to God:
"O our God, will you not judge them? For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us.

WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, BUT OUR EYES ARE UPON YOU."

God will deal with the vast army of deceit, betrayal, and hurt that is attacking you.

I urge you to write down an index card and memorize Psalm 25:15 to go with this too.
"My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only He will release my feet from the snare".

God bless you abundantly.

Best regards,
Danny Lucas

Lucco Girls

What advice would you give your children in this situation? Kids learn my example...and that's what we are to them as their mothers - one huge example. We can't always be shown the "right" way to act all of the time. So when someone hurts us - we have to just keep in mind that this is the "wrong" way to treat people. Learn from it, find the good and move on to happier things.

Danny Lucas

Those are beautiful Lucco Girls there Lucco Mom! I was blessed with daughters as well. And, I believe girls bruise more easily internally...(emotionally).

Your children are young and will learn many lessons prior to anger and betrayal.

It comes heavily to girls starting around middle school years.

One year, my older daughter came home heaving in tears. I had to hold her shoulders to get her still.

"ALL of my friends turned on me today dad....ALL of 'em", and more tears wet the floor.

We sat down and I asked what "ALL" meant.
She waved her hands like an umpire in baseball and yelled "ALL" as if it were an "OUT".

I asked her if she had said or done anything to offend any one of them.

"NO. They just turned on me for no reason. No one talks and no one eats lunch with me."

This astonished me because these girls all came to my home for birthdays, and pool parties, and slumber nights.
(Mrs. Lucco, sometimes it is the dad doing the example and parenting...I had ALL events at my home after sending Kellie to an overnighter. I thought she was going to be with the mom (who I knew), but it was dad's weekend with his kids and all the girls slept over at the dads. I was NOT happy and especially at the dad showing slasher movies like Friday the 13th. From that day, ALL events were in my home with me there. I required parent be introduced to me as they dropped kids off, a name and phone number as well, should there be an emergency. I even asked allergies as Kellie could have no pineapple).

I told my daughter what I wanted her to do over the next several days. She was obviously the object of shunning---girls abusing girls, and it gets worse as they age. I speak of emotional, not physical abuse.

I told her to go to school and never meet them in a group. BUT, when one is alone, she is to quickly ask that girl alone, if Kellie had ever said, or done anything to offend her.

If "Yes", ask what it was and apologize. If "NO", my daughter was to tell this individual that she thought they were friends, but her action shows they really are not friends. Since I have done nothing to deserve such treatment, and YOU think friends deserve to be treated this way, I just want to thank you for all our good times together before....and let you know I am seeking new friends. I do not allow myself to be treated this way.

I told Kellie to do this one-by-one with every single girl and ONLY alone.
Kids act different in a group and alone.

I alerted her that the need to be accepted by a group may make every one of those girls tell her goodbye.

But in the end, Kellie would have apologized for any unknown wrong, set the standard for girlfriends for her, and notified her former friends, that they have admitted she did nothing wrong, yet act as if she did. Goodbye.

I advised she begin simultaneously to look for new friends one at a time.
They would be included with the old group, or start a new group of pals.

Mrs. Luccco, I wanted Kellie to learn empathy in her hurt. I wanted her to put herself in their shoes first. If after looking at that view, the person was incorrect and unwilling to change, by all means, hold your head high knowing you did right and your best.

There was a significant change in friends that year. Kellie set her terms individually and privately.

"I DID IT Dad!"
"You were right!"
Joy was all over her face for doing right.

A few years later, in high school, those betrayers came around to Kellie one by one and renewed the relationship. Things changed. Each had been shunned as the next one to get it. And ALL remembered Kellie's dignity in the affair, and her empathy toward them before looking to new friendships. She graduated well loved.

Christa @ Quintooples

Thank you everyone! I am blessed with such wonderful words, and I feel very thankful tonight. :)

I am feeling much better this evening. We have decided on a course of action, and I think it will be working well.

Nicole O'Dell

I just wanted to offer a hug. I was going to mention how Jesus acted toward his betrayers...but it was already spelled out in a very eloquent and moving post in a comment above. So, I'll continue to offer my hug and prayers.

I'm sure it will all work out for the best.

Christa @ Quintooples

I just wanted to offer a hug. I was going to mention how Jesus acted toward his betrayers...but it was already spelled out in a very eloquent and moving post in a comment above. So, I'll continue to offer my hug and prayers.

I'm sure it will all work out for the best.

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~Christa @ Quintooples